Thursday, March 18, 2010

i've got sunshine on a cloudy day

I saw this, and it struck me, because I know I do this. I fear rejection to the point where the risk doesn't even seem worth it. And that is the part of me I think I need to evolve out of, get rid of, destroy. Because there is a fine line between falling and flying. At right now, I can't do either.  But I stare longingly at the clouds, watching people-birds who can soar up there, whose wings are spread wide and flutter elegantly.  And then, slightly below I see those with a determined gleam in their eyes, whose wings are trembling as they seperate from the body, twitching and shaking as they catch the wind.  Time after time, I watch the determined gleam become a look of wisdom, a look of knowledge and peace and trust in the wind.  They soar higher, their wings like beautiful dancers, cutting through the sky, creating a masterpiece. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for my turn to jump.  But I am done waiting. This middle ground is bland, with bland people and blank faces who eat nothing and smile a half-hearted sort of grin. I want my cheeks to hurt. I want to try, and fail, and crash to the rocks below and feel something there, feel some hurt and feel some passion and try again. Because those on the rocks are never there for long.  I see them, leaping off the cliff confidently a second time, and I cry out to them, asking how they can be so hurt and still find it in their hearts to continue, and I can be so unbroken and yet still so full of fear.  I tremble and shake, my wings quivering limply, begging me to try. My mind and heart are in a shouting match, my mind saying Not Yet, Maybe Later, Just Wait, It's Not The Right Time, and my heart saying now now now now now now now now.


Regan said...

Wonderful photos! This was so beautfully written, i LOVE your blog

Those Magic Slippers Will Take You Home said...

i like this post. i needed this. Thank you for sharing!

francesca said...

this is so elegantly and beautifully written, and with such passion. you say you're "unbroken yet still full of fear" - once you are'broken' and feel a pang of pain, it's never as bad as you imagine. those rocks aren't razor sharp and lethal, they help you bounce back up to the cliff to have another try.

i hope you find the strength to do whatever it is you want to. sometimes it's just best to close your eyes and jump ♥

Silverdust said...

The pictures go so well with what you wrote.

I love rainbows(:

xx,Sarah Grace

Payton said...

I absolutley love the photos and the quote was so meaningful I loved it!

emily said...

you put into words exactly what i've been feeling lately.

the rocks are never as terrifying as they seem from above. trust your heart, and feel how incredible it is to let go.