rainbow dreamer

Dear secret painters, hidden writers, pretend illustrators, imaginary artists everywhere!

This is your call. This is your reminder.

You love the feeling of the wood between your fingers, the colors falling onto the page.  You love the scent of the paint, smearing it onto the canvas, blending and stirring. You love the way the words ring out after you've written them, the way they send shivers up your spine.

Go out, go forth, create!

The world is filled with destruction, with hatred, with malice,

it is up to us to overcome it.

To build over it, to shut it down

by bringing the beautiful up.

Create! Today is the day.

Create something beautiful!

strangers aren't dangers

I love this idea.

A random talk, a moment that could become so much more.

I adore possibility,  I adore potential.

It keeps me optimistic.

i love people

I want to meet the world.

I think everybody is just so incredibly beautiful.

I can't help but love everybody. I can't help but see the good in them. 

And I think everybody can see that good.

But there are people who walk their entire lives without knowing the good inside them.

There are people who walk their entire lives unloved

because nobody's told them otherwise.

Tell them. Speak up.

There are people out there that need to hear your voice.

They need to hear what you already know.

That they are beautiful.

brave new world

 "But I don't want comfort.

I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness.

I want sin."

"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."

"All right then," said the Savage defiantly,

"I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

-Brave New World

 I had to read this book for summer reading, and I loved it. Those were my favorite lines.

Because honestly, what good is comfort if you never get to feel freely?

 I think everything is beautiful.

The rush is beautiful...and the fall. Because when we fall, we get to stumble up again.

We get to take the hands of the people who love us.

We get to realize how strong we are.

 

Look around you.

Life happens because of feelings.

The true actions are done because of how a person feels.

It's what makes us incredibly, grotesquely, miraculously human.

 We can pretend that our uncontrollable feelings are our faults, our downfall. We can try to lose ourselves in the silicone labrynth of technology, drown ourselves in paperwork and dollar bills. We can take medication until we forget who we are. We can diagnose and catalogue and graph and map and disect and try to find the heart strings to pull so we never have to cry. We can kill so we don't have to think.

Or we can take ourselves as messy and imperfect.

We can take ourselves as feel-ers, as life live-ers, as truth-ers.

"All good things are wild and free"

-Thoreau

where the wild things are

run away. run fast. run far.

hold your breath. hold a hand.

reach higher.

spread your fingers, feel the webbing between them make your arms into wings.

now jump.

chances, uncertainty, change, uncomfortable

as you fly up

 clear, understood, new, fresh

as you fly down.

what is the difference between flying and falling?

life changing

i feel like this is important.

i feel like this is new.

i feel like i have said this a million times but this time it actually  matters.

i will be with the people who i love.

the toxic people, the harmful people, the liars, the thieves,

i am leaving them behind.

i will be with the people i love.

"how can you stay outside, there's a beautiful mess inside"

Haven't you ever wanted just to love? To hold somebody's hand and feel their warmth hovering in the space between your fingers, because it feels empty and cold alone?  And you realize, it doesn't really  matter who it is, because you get to this point of lonliness where you want love more than you want an actual person.  That's when it's a problem, you see. Because your mind starts breaking up your past into tiny pieces, and putting together the beautiful colors that slip well together and fit perfectly.  Until you're staring at this breathtaking jigsaw puzzle, and wanting it, and believing it to be real. Forgetting about those other pieces, shoved on the floor. Forgetting that people are not all pretty, that there is the ugly and the bad and the upset and the disgusting too. And that's what love is. It's not the perfection, so if you're looking for that, you'll forever be looking. It's the everything else. It's the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, the yin and the yang, all knotted and twisted and dirty and sparkling and confused.

Paint

She had failed her math test. When she got home there was a note on the table that said her mom would be out until 7. Four hours of freedom. Wild freedom. She was a wild woman, leader of the pack, queen of the jungle. She lay down on the couch and howled, mumbled chants she remembered from somewhere, vague, dream-like words. She turned on the TV and blasted the volume so she could feel the floor shaking.

Then she got our her paints. She took off her jacket, took off her shirt. She shivered in the cold. Then she squirted some color on her hand and slathered it across her stomach. She painted birds on her arms. She smeared a rainbow on her cheek. She put dots on each vertebrae of her spine. She was alive, she was pulsating with light and rhythm and feeling. Society wanted to numb her with the injection of those red marks on her paper. Society wanted her to wallow in her shame until it consumed her, until it was her only motivation.

But she refused.
She knew the injection was nothing more than a sugar pill.
She knew it was all in her mind.
She knew that nothing could kill her soul unless she let it.

Yes Yes Yes

I want to live more. I crave a world that is spinning faster, that gives me more to be a part of. I want to be a part of an artistic community, to feel like I am living a revolution. 1830s french bohemia, the lost generation, the beats of the 50s, the factory scene and protests of the 60s...I want to live wildly and madly and loudly. I feel like I have to create that world I want to live in, create that place of art and madness and beauty and pain and laughter and dreamers. So I guess I will. Because that's how it all has to begin, isn't it? With a feeling, a hope, a dream.