let go

There is that one thing. 

That one moment you hesitated, that one second you waited,

that one thing that has not stopped

haunting you since.

Can you see it? It hurts to imagine it, fear pulses in your toes.

But look at it.  See it for what it is-

raw, naked, imperfect.

And now it is a burning ball of fire in the

pit of your stomach, white hot flames

licking your guts.

Hold your hands in front of you,

palms up.  Now reach inside yourself,

reach through the skin and tissue and muscles

and grab that flaming mess.

Throw it far far away...

watch it fly, watch it disapear beyond the horizon,

see the sparks fly up from where it landed.

And feel the rush of the relief

course through you.

Free.

new year, now clear

It has been many breaths, many moons, many shooting stars and lightning bursts

but I am home.  Not in the sense of

a structure or wooden frame, not in the sense of dinner table conversations,

or family movie nights, or landscaped lawns.  Home in the

idea of the word, in the comfort in my heart

and understanding in my veins.

I am back and ready for a year of light and love,

a year of glimmering home in the shadowy corners,

a year of chances and make-believe.